A real disappointment to us all...

Indianapolis Colts' quarterback Peyton Manning was on Saturday Night Live the other night and I caught some of it. There were a few good stretches, such as the opening monologue when he introduced his father Archie Manning ("He taught me everything I know."), his brother Eli Manning ("the quarterback for the New York Giants") and his mother Olivia Manning ("She never made it in the NFL. She didn't have what it took. She got cut by th Dolphins and tried in Canada for a little bit. She's been a real disappointment to us all.") I also liked the ESPN NCAA Tournament Pool Party.

But the best bits I saw were the United Way commercial and the Maraka cartoon. The United Way commercial was a play on those TV bits, with Peyton Manning verbally insulting kids as they fail to catch his passes, teaching kids how to break into a car, and drinking a beer in front it them. The Maraka cartoon was a play on the Dora cartoons and children's interactive cartoons in general. As a father who's son gets enposed to interactive cartoon son Playhouse Disney, this was a great bit.

Snickers Satisfies My Need to Kiss Other Men

Way back on Super Bowl Sunday (a whole month and a half ago, but seems longer), one of the most popular and hilarious commercials was the Snickers commercial where two mechanics start eating the same Snickers bar from opposite sides. In evidently, the two run out of candy bar and their lips meet in the middle in a lip lock. Horrified, they try to prove their manliness by ripping the chest hair out of their chests. Anyway, here's the commercial.

Unfortunately, the commercial was also the target of gay and lesbian groups that saw it as homophobic and offensive. Due to that response, the Mars Corporation announced they have pulled the ad and apologized.

The gay and lesbian groups are right; it is homophobic. But why is it offensive? What if one of the gay guys on Will and Grace had accidently kissed a woman? There would have probably been this bit immediately after where the guy freaked out. I suppose the guys should have immediately talked out their feelings and questioned if perhaps they were gay-curious. But that would have been too long for a commercial, and kind of boring.

Here is my favorite part of the article, where my topic title came from:

But Steve Hall, a former ad executive who writes the Adrants.com newsletter and blog, says the Snickers commercial has harmed the candymaker's image with all consumers.

"Can you imagine the looks one will now receive from the checkout clerk when they buy a Snickers bar?" he wrote yesterday. " . . . There's plenty of other perfectly good candy choices with far less embarrassment attached to them."

Wait a moment! Did this guy actually suggest that checkout clerks will think you're gay if you buy a Snickers bar? Seriously?! This is probably the dumbest comment of the year to date, to suggest that a desire for a Snickers bar also suggests a desire to kiss other men!

The Washington Post article was published back on February 7. Since then, in complete mockery of Mr. Hall's comment, I have purchased probably 10-15 Snickers bars. I wonder how many checkout clerks have looked at my purchase and thought "I bet he likes to make out with other men." My guess? ZERO!!!!

Casino Royale

"Bond. James Bond."

I waited nearly the entire movie for this line. I got it, but it took a long time to get there.

Overall, I enjoyed Casino Royale, the 21st movie of the James Bond franchise and the first to be based on an Ian Fleming story since 1987's The Living Daylights. Casino Royale was the first Bond novel written by Fleming, and likewise it was back to the beginning with the movies as well.

First what I didn't like. This story is meant to be the first James Bond adventure, both by the book AND the movie. Yet it takes place in modern day, with Judi Dench still playing M. It's not a prequel to the 20 previous movies, since a) it's set in present day, b) Judi Dench is refers to as "the new M" in Goldeneye, c) the official Casino Royale MySpace page lists Bond's date of birth in 1968, and d) Felix Leiter makes his first appearance since 1989's License to Kill, except now he's black. No, this is actually a reboot of James Bond.

I know the belief was that the Bond movies were getting too dependant on special effects and gadgets, and that the plots was a little too far-fetched. But that didn't mean they had to destroy the previous history and start over from scratch. Just remove the references to Bond getting his Double-0 status and the movie could have easily been a follow-up to Die Another Day. But instead, we have a new Bond history. This Bond never interacted with such characters as Pussy Galore, Auric Goldfinger, Jaws, and Ernst Blofeld.

I have to wonder, if we're starting all over again, will there be remakes of Goldfinger, The Spy Who Loved Me, Live or Let Die, etc. I'm torn if that would be a good thing or not.

Now back to the review. The story starts with Bond is just another operative with MI6, although that changes very quickly. While I was stunned, thinking "Where was the opening Bond walk through the barrel of the gun," the beginning is in black-and-white, as Bond has to take care of a former MI6 agent who selling secrets. Bond needs two kills to get his Double-0 status, and with a few gunshots, he accomplishes that. One of the shots ends up being the "through the gun barrel" shot. Very cool.

As the story continues, Bond's pursuit of somebody (was never really clear who) at an embassy in Madagascar leads to Nassau (Bahamas) and Miami (Florida), where he stops a terrorist plot to blow up the first unveiling of a new jet. About 50 minutes in, the plot switched gears to Casino Royale and a high stakes poker game. Le Chiffre, banker to the world's terrorists, has put together a poker game with 10 players and a $10 million buy-in with a $5 million re-buy. Bond needs to ensure that Le Chiffre doesn't win, or else the world's terrorists (or more appropriately, a mysterious organization that Le Chiffre is answering to) are going to be $100+ million richer.

Bond works with Vesper Lynd, an accountant for Her Majesty's Treasury. They go to Casino Royale posing as professional gambler Arrington Beech and Stephanie "Broadchest" (we're led to believe that the last name was a joke by Bond, although it would certainly fit the history of sexually-explicit or silly names for Bond girls), although the time it takes for Bond to discard the alias could be measured it tenths of a second.

From there, we get to danger, betrayal, love, and of course poker. It was a big issue that the high stakes game is No Limit Texas Hold 'Em Poker, and not Baccarat. But honestly, how many people really know the rules for Baccarat? Even seen a hand that features a Flush, two Full Houses, and a Straight Flush? Neither have I, until this movie.

Daniel Craig was an excellent Bond, in my opinion. Christine wasn't nuts about how his first kill was portrayed, calling it graphic and too amaturish. Yet I think that that's what the makers were going for. This is a Bond who doesn't have years of experience as a spy. He's very new to the job as a killer, and he makes a few mistakes throughout.

There is actually a nice love story on here too. Bond girls have historicaly been girls that Bond romances without any real lasting emotion, with the exception of Bond's brief marriage in On Her Majesty's Secret Service. But Vesper Lynd seems to make a kept man out of 007, who is so smitten that he hands in his resignation to MI6. Never fear, though. James Bond will return.

My Favorite Lines
Bond: Vodka Martini.
Bartender: Shaken or stirred?
Bond: Do I look like I give a damn?

Bond: I always thought M was a randomly assigned initial, I had no idea it stood for...
M: Utter one more syllable and I'll have you killed.

Bond: Now the whole world will know that you died scratching my balls!

Vesper: I'll keep my eyes on our government's money and off your perfectly formed ass.
Bond: You noticed.
Vesper: Even accountants have imagination.

Bond: Dry Martini.
Bartender: Oui, monsieur.
Bond: Wait... three measures of Gordon's; one of vodka; half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it over ice, and add a thin slice of lemon peel.
Bartender: Yes, sir.
Tomelli: You know, I'll have one of those.
Infante: So will I.
Bartender: Certainly.
Felix Leiter: My friend, bring me one as well, keep the fruit.
Le Chiffre: [annoyed] That's it? Hmm? Anyone want to play poker now?
Felix Leiter: Someone's in a hurry.